by Matthew Russell - Posted 2 months ago
Welcome my CryptoComics Compatriots. I wanted to talk to you all about something rather personal; mental health and comics.
This article isn’t me complaining or whining about things. This is me taking a deep look into mental health within the industry from an inside perspective.
Personally, I deal with mental health issues on a regular basis. From Imposter Syndrome to ADHD. This means that it’s like being a secret agent, but instead of thrilling missions, your mission is to convince yourself you're not a total fraud—despite all evidence to the contrary.
Picture it: you’re in a room full of people who are probably just as confused as you are, but somehow, you're convinced they've all got it together. Meanwhile, you’re over here thinking, "Any minute now, they're going to realize I’m just a slightly more advanced monkey in a human suit."
It's like every success you have is a fluke, and you’re just waiting for someone to burst through the door and say, "Alright, the jig is up! We know you’ve been winging it this whole time!" But the plot twist? They’re all secretly thinking the same thing. So really, it's just a room full of people giving each other high fives and saying, "Great job!" while internally freaking out and hoping no one notices the sweat stains.
In short, imposter syndrome is basically being in a never-ending episode of Scooby-Doo, except instead of unmasking the bad guy, you’re desperately trying to avoid unmasking yourself.
ADHD is like having a browser with 27 tabs open, and you can’t figure out where the music is coming from. One minute you’re laser-focused on organizing your sock drawer by color, texture, and emotional energy, and the next minute, you’re halfway through an online course on astrophysics because, you know, why not?
It's like your brain is a hyperactive puppy in a room full of squirrels. Every shiny object, stray thought, or interesting idea is a squirrel, and your brain’s all like, "Oh, look! A new project! Oh wait, what about that one? And that one! And…what was I doing again?" Meanwhile, your to-do list is slowly turning into a scroll that would make Santa Claus weep.
Trying to stay on task with ADHD is like herding cats, but the cats are on roller skates, and so are you. You’re constantly juggling, but instead of balls, you’re juggling flaming swords, bowling pins, and maybe a random watermelon, just to keep things interesting.
But the best part? When you do manage to focus, it’s like you’ve unlocked a superpower. Suddenly, you’re unstoppable, and you can crank out a whole project in one caffeine-fueled sprint—until, of course, a new squirrel shows up.
On top of all of that, I’m a perfectionist. I love to draw, it relaxes me. The problem is that I can’t show my work to anyone. All I see are the flaws and I am terrified that this is all they will see as well. This has put me firmly into the procrastination category with so much of my work.
Hell, while writing I can’t stay focused and so it is extremely hard to keep on task. When I read stuff back, perfectionist, I throw it away and start over. You would be amazed at how many blog articles I’ve written that will NEVER see the light of day.
So, for the purpose of just getting this one done, I am throwing perfection out the door. There will be no rewrites on this article. I will double check for spelling errors but I will not strive for anything more than getting everything off my chest. This is a lot harder to do than I thought.
I know that my team often hates me when I agree to do far more than I am ever able, hence I get nothing done. Hell, I have 4 jobs (including CryptoComics), raise 3 kids, don’t get enough sleep, and have lofty goals.
In the military, I was always told to volunteer for everything even if you have no idea what you're doing. Sometimes you have to learn how to pack a chute only after you’ve already jumped from the plane.
So combine that with those pesky imposter issues and I will agree to do just about anything that the team needs and I will do my best to figure it out and get it done. Results not excuses, I always say.
The problem is when everything starts to pile up when you run into something that you can’t figure out on your own. I become hyper focused on that one thing and I will do anything to learn it enough to do the job.
Everything else gets pushed to the side. That means EVERYTHING. Nothing gets done. By the time I am done with the task, no one needs it anymore…the need is gone. So, I move on and try to make sure that everything that I am late on is done enough to pass but not enough to excel.
Or else, I will look at the insurmountable mountain of tasks. At that point, I freeze up and can’t take the first step. Next thing I know, weeks have gone by and I still have absolutely nothing to show other than stress eating and lack of sleep.
I then feel like I’m only judged by losses and not my successes. This sends me further down that hole.
Comics are the thing that I look to for escapism. I read stories about adventures by far more capable heroes and I lose myself. I don’t think about my personal issues and don’t feel as burnt out.
I see idols like Superman who give me ideals and morals to strive towards. I see Batman who has dedicated his life to a single cause and lets nothing get in his way. Green Lantern’s power is all based on willpower. That's just DC.
Marvel has Spider-Man who can somehow keep a smile and is full of quips even when his life has somehow managed to turn upside down. You can probably see why I would look up to Peter Parker. Captain America…’nuff said. Iron Man, a man who can think his way out of any problem.
Indy comics are full of the same. They do tend to be a little more “real.” I look at the characters and fall in love with them. Their creators are always there pushing them to the public and are just as approachable as the ones they put down on paper. You can see how much of themselves they put into their comics.
If you don’t believe me, just read “Out Of Order” or “Katongo”. No this wasn’t a plug to get you to buy comics from our marketplace. These are simply deeply personal stories. The Black Blossom by Evan David is a superhero based on his wife, it doesn’t get more personal or intimate than that.
I love working within the industry, making my mark, adding my name to a project. I get to mingle with some of the greats like Dan Cote, Chad Hardin, The Stache. I feel so privileged and honored to just be in the same room with these people and they know my name.
Then that imposter syndrome starts to rear its ugly head again. What am I doing in this guys company? Will I say the wrong thing and they will know I don’t belong?
My dad used to have a saying that he hung in his shop “It’s better to let people think you're stupid than to open your mouth and prove it.” I know that was a joke but damn if it's not true. My problem is I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut…damn ADHD. Bad combo.
Everything is so much, so heavy. Where do I start, what do I do…I know, nothing. If I do nothing, I can’t fail at it. The problem is, that in itself is a failure. Not that it stops me.
I just need to get something done…then maybe I will get to see my worth. But how?
Now, I am not a psychologist but I do have some friends in the field and I have asked on a personal basis for some suggestions that I can share with you. These are all things that I will be putting into practice in my life. They have assured me that none of these will cure the way I’m feeling or even think about myself, but they might help to become a little more productive.
This comes from an old Mark Twain quote. “If you have to eat a live frog, do it first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.”
Its a colorful way of saying that tackling your most dreaded or challenging task first thing in the morning sets the tone for a productive day. The "frog" represents that tough, unpleasant task you've been avoiding—something you’d rather not do but know you need to.
By getting it out of the way early, you free yourself from the anxiety and procrastination that comes with putting it off. Once the "frog" is eaten, everything else you face that day seems easier by comparison, and you can move forward with a sense of accomplishment.
I’ve put things off so much that they just take up unneeded real estate in my brain. I can’t stop thinking about them, even while trying to put them off. I might as well just start and get things done so I don’t have to think about them anymore.
I write about a dozen to-do lists every day and I only get about a fourth of one done due to anything like time restraints, anxiety, or desire. This next tip is something that I have started to do earlier this week and it seems to help me focus myself.
Instead of spending an hour staring at the list and getting overwhelmed and doing nothing, I will stare at a single fixed point on my screen. A single letter and nothing more. I combine this with box breathing.
Breathe in for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, exhale for four counts, and then hold your breath again for four counts. This method, often used to reduce stress and increase focus, creates a steady rhythm that helps to calm the nervous system and center the mind, making it easier to stay present and composed.
Do this for 1 full minute straight and watch your focus and cognitive abilities sharpen. It's strange how calming it is and how I’m able to focus for a little while.
Chaotic environment equals a chaotic mind.
I have recently decided to clean up my office to make it more inviting. I reorganized and will try to maintain a minimalist office. I repainted to a lighter color tone, soundproofed the walls, and got a more ergonomic desk and chair.
I wanted to make it so I am not being constantly distracted by what is going on around me. At first, I wanted that cool man-cave vibe but I wasn’t as productive. Hell, I had my PS4 next to my desk. Needless to say, I played more Arkham than work.
I needed to make it a space that was conducive to productivity and still comfortable to be in for an extended period of time. Just today, I was able to write 2.5 blog post as well as get lesson plans for my High School class for the entire trimester prepared all without coming up for air. I felt extremely productive and was proud of myself. I think by purging the physical surroundings, I was able to tackle things that I didn’t think I could.
Everything that I need to do tends to require a lot of deep extended focus. I need to be “in the zone” and every single distraction takes me out of that.
When I am actually working any distraction no matter how simple can take my 8-10 minutes before I get back in that zone. A simple text notification that I glance at my phone to verify that I got a text is all it takes. That was a 1-2 second distraction. I didn’t even get to see who sent it or what the message said and now I’m out 10 minutes of productive work.
Can you imagine if I followed that message all the way through. A friend sent me a funny TikTok video…30 seconds long. Next thing I know it's 3 hours later and I am still on TikTok. Productive…aint I?
So, what do I have to do? I need to better purge my digital surroundings. This is something that I started doing less than a week ago so this suggestion is still a work in progress.
I will put away all distractions. Turn off notifications, don’t listen to music with lyrics or a major beat, silence my phone. Hide any social media. Basically I will turn on focus modes (thank God I'm on the Apple ecosystem, they make this easy).
I will keep this up until I complete a major task, or a group of tasks. When I have “earned” time, I will set a timer for 15 minutes and then I will allow myself the distractions for that small amount of time.
When the timer goes off, it’s back to staring at a single letter for a minute before I get back to work.
Have you ever decided “Ok, I’ll make my damn bed” and the next thing you know, you’ve cleaned your entire room and even started doing the dishes? Cognitive momentum. You’ve built up a positive snowball effect.
Harnessing that progress is the key to getting things done and unlocking your potential. You gain that by starting a small obtainable task and seeing it through without stopping. Once you have done one simple thing, it's that much easier to get the next thing done, then the next, then the next.
Break your tasks down to the simplest steps and say I’m going to do this one simple easy little thing. Then it's not a mountain that you're climbing, it's a single step that you're looking at. You can take that simple little step right?
Most times, 1 single little step won’t kill you. I say most times because our lawyers might have something to say if I don’t throw in that disclaimer. Anyway, try it. Break everything down into those simple little steps and take the first, then the next. Soon you might be running.
My old college professor had a poster on his wall of his class for years. I used to see it everyday and never put much thought into it until recently. It was the Cult of Done Manifesto. I decided to look it up and found it all online. I take no credit for any of it. It comes from Bre Pettis.
There are three states of being. Not knowing, action and completion.
Accept that everything is a draft. It helps to get it done.
There is no editing stage.
Pretending you know what you’re doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you’re doing even if you don’t and do it.
Banish procrastination. If you wait more than a week to get an idea done, abandon it.
The point of being done is not to finish but to get other things done.
Once you’re done you can throw it away.
Laugh at perfection. It’s boring and keeps you from being done.
People without dirty hands are wrong. Doing something makes you right.
Failure counts as done. So do mistakes.
Destruction is a variant of done.
If you have an idea and publish it on the internet, that counts as a ghost of done.
Done is the engine of more.
It is a set of principles designed to encourage swift, decisive action and embrace the power of completion over perfection. It promotes the idea that it's better to finish something, even if it's imperfect, than to get bogged down by endless tweaking and second-guessing.
The manifesto highlights the importance of iteration, learning through doing, and overcoming the fear of failure by recognizing that mistakes are just part of the process. It's a call to prioritize momentum and progress, believing that once something is done, you can always improve it later, but if you never finish, you've got nothing to improve on.
I never realized how important it really is to my own personal mental health. I don’t need to be perfect, I just need to get done. As it says, those without dirty hands are wrong. I don’t need to get an award or standing ovation for every single job that I do. I just need to get done.
I love the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. I’ve read it on average about once every 6 months since I was first introduced to it. I personally try to use the suggestions when I am confronted with challenges with my own children. In fact, after I finish the Jack Reacher book that I’ve been obsessing over lately, I will hit this one again…its about time.
My point is that in my personal life, I rarely get any words of affirmation from anyone. It might be a week between seeing my wife due to our work schedules. Those weeks when we are together, kids cause so much chaos that we often forget to tell eachother how much we appreciate each other and why. We will still say stuff like “I love you” but it doesn’t seem to hold the same meaning as “I really appreciate that you tried to keep the house clean while I was gone. It saves me a ton of time and I can enjoy my time off. Thank you.”
For much of those weeks, the only words of affirmation I might ever get is from our weekly meeting when Joe makes it a point to tell everyone “I really appreciate all the work that you guys do.” That little acknowledgement truly goes a long way.
For those times when even that can’t carry me across the finish line, I keep a letter that my dad wrote me when I shipped out to the Marines. Now, for the background, my dad was never one to show his emotions or write anything. Everyone around him always knew that they were loved, but writing anything down was something that he just refused to do. He treated writing like going to the dentist…with tremendous hesitation and resistance. I have so many funny stories about him having to write stuff when I was growing up. Ask me sometimes and I might share a story or two.
Anyway, when I was in basic, I got a letter and it was from my dad. It was only a few sentences telling me how proud he was and how he was looking forward to my first leave when he will see me again. Nothing really else, just a simple message of love that I wasn’t expecting. That carried me through the next 13 weeks with joy.
It still carries me when I’m feeling down. Lord knows that as a High School teacher, I will get absolutely zero words of affirmation from my students. Typically I get parents who are asking me stuff like “Why aren’t you teaching my kids work ethic?” (That's the parents job) I once got yelled at for 3 full hours for teaching kids about binary code.
For context, I teach a computer class. Computers run on binary code. This parent was upset that “nothing in this world is fully binary anymore. Its all a spectrum. I tried to explain (so did my principal) that I was strictly referring to computer code, on and off, ones and zeros. Computer only. Anyway, that is what teaching is often like. Very little thank yous and extremely little “that was a really good lesson”. It does happen sometimes.
So, my ADHD is showing again. When no one has had anything affirming to say to me in quite some time and my tank is empty, I will pull out that letter and reread it. It is almost impossible to read now. It has been 26 years that I’ve carried it with me. It's faded and worn, but it helps.
I’m not suggesting that everyone tell their dads to write them a letter that they can keep for 26 years. Can you imagine the pressure of having to write that, knowing that someone will be looking at it when they're down.
I’m saying that you need to keep some memento of a time that overflowed your gas tank and pull that out whenever you need. You would be surprised, I’ve memorized that letter word for word before I ever left Basic and it still feels like the first read when I pick it up.
This has turned into an extremely long ramble and I am sorry for that. I apologize for the “train of though” style of writing. I know that it’s often hard to follow. I just felt that I needed to share my story and my struggle.
This post is obviously NOT intended to sell comics or for SEO (Search Engine Optimization). It’s almost a journal entry allowing me to vent my frustrations and hopefully make a difference in my own struggles. This one was intended to hopefully help others keep going. Thank you.
